Two years ago, I created this website with the hopes that it will one day be a digital collection of my intellectual meanderings, enthusiasms, creations, and stories.

I called it “the shelf”, to make it a place for my collectibles, valuables, and the little things that remind me of my memories.
I made this website to look like a bookshelf too. There I would put my notes from my favorite books, people who inspired me, aka my heroes, my projects, stories, and writings.

I was (over-)envisioning, some would call it dreaming, the ways to express different aspects of myself.

In my head, I was visualizing a few years down the road where I have hundreds of post written in this blog and built multiple projects. I have some of my ideas realized, and I have an audience who read those and get inspired to do the same. (joke’s on me)

It’s a few years down the road now and none of those visions are real.

I was dreaming big but doing little.

My initial motivation for this blog was to write things that are inherently personal.

I didn’t want to be a news channel, or a blog that regurgitates others’ words.

I wanted to write and share all those things that make me, me.

The thing is, I’ve been collecting my thoughts for a while, but sharing them always feels scary and difficult.

I feel this pressure in my gut when I want to share anything slightly personal, as if I could get hurt by allowing others to read them.

I didn’t want this website to be up there with nothing in it. So I ended up sharing random momentary nerdy interests that no one cares about, like other people explaining large numbers.

It doesn’t really need to be a blog post. It could simply be a tweet like, “Check out this dude explaining graham’s number for 15 minutes so that he can tell a yo mama joke: LINK”

Posts like these are some kind of, umm, justifications so that I can tell myself that I've written some stuff in here, that I’ve done something.

And the actual things that I want to say, things that I want to share and are important to me remain unheard.

They live only in my head.

But an idea or a thought is worth nothing if it only lives in your head.

It feels good to imagine yourself being interesting.

But then again, It’s only in your head. Not real.

I’m not bashing my younger self for the things he didn’t do, I’m just acknowledging that it’s difficult. Carving out your own corner on the internet takes energy, focus, and above all, courage.

I’ve encountered dozens of blogs and personal websites where the header hints you that who built it had high hopes and big dreams in their mind, but when I scroll down, it’s a ghost town.

I was hoping writing here would help me get to know me better. Instead, I started faking and deceiving myself.

I don't know how long it'll take till I have the courage to share what's really me. But I know that this post is a start.

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Shoutout to Pete from "Do you even blog" who inspired me to do something gutsy.